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First blog post

What’s in a name?

Whew!

Took me about 15 minutes to figure out how to write on this “First blog post” (insert embarrassed emoticon), but I made it here.

So this is it.  I have a blog site.    I have done a little blogging in the past on my first ever social media account – Friendster.  I did not feel any pressure on what and how to write then because my readers, who are of course my friends, know me and they know exactly how I am.  I wrote whatever I want to back then, from kids stuff to work struggles to showbiz personalities and everything.  Frankly, this blog site is no different from my old one.

I have been meaning to do this for quite a while now. Three things kept me from starting:

  1. I see so many blogs – personal, political, business, interests, all very beautifully written, that I feel I don’t have a chance of even completing a well thought-of one and much more a well-written one;
  2. I don’t have the skill to take beautiful photographs that I can use in my posts;
  3. I have no time in my hand to plan, to organize, to skillfully compose a decent one.

I guess a little insomnia gave me this chance to start one.  This is not a spur of the moment thing, I actually have notes written in my journal of what my possible blog site be. For me, to be able to start one, I have to call it what it is going to be like. You see, the real reason why I never really get to start blogging is because I know I might not finish it and will probably just forget about it.  I was supposed to call it “Unfinished Business”   because my posts could be done or halfway done or not even done.  Then as I was reading Blogging Basics 101, I did a few more thinking and synonym searching until I came up with a word that would best describe my blog posts. The name of a thing where I write notes, compose sentences, jot down ideas.  A thing where I can possibly write the whole thing or just keep the notes hanging – a SCRATCHPAD.

This is where it all starts, from scratch.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” – Lao Tzu

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July 24, 2016 Sunday morning, 8:10AM update

Was I too excited, was I too distracted or even not-so-smart to notice?  Last night when I started,  I was so sure I had scratchpad for a blog site name.  I woke up to find out it is in fact S C A T C H P A D, without the R.  I spent extra time to find a name for my blog site and when I thought I had….

Ooops….

Boo Boo # 1 for this blogger wannabe.  I guess I have to use this name permanently. I looked and this word is not even in the Webster dictionary, however, Webster’s word of the day is simulacrum,  a representation of something. There, I guess from now on, I define scatchpad as a simulacrum to the real thing.

So this is where it really started – a mistake. A mistake so permanent I cannot just cross over it or wipe it out as I would in a real scratchpad, or shall I say, scatchpad?

 

 

Reaction

What do you think of this?

I see a very personal message

I asked a question, a bit more of a suspicious interrogation

Who is this person that sends you this kind of message?

A batch mate.

A client.

A close friend.

I am a very close friend to their family.

Ok.

A social media friend request I send.

Blocked!

 

 

REUNIONS. Love It or Hate It

{This month of July is my first anniversary here in WordPress.  I have not been visiting and writing entries regularly but I know I have to come back here, my place of  ‘just being me’.}

REUNIONS, a coming together of one or two people after a period of separation.  There’s a lot of kind but this post is about school reunions.

Love It? or Hate It?

I love reunions.  Although I’ve not been to a lot, I have been to a few.  There is something in reminiscing the highs and the lows of the past,  of talking with and about the people who were with us during our triumphs and struggles, and shaking hands or giving hello kisses to those other special people that have some sort of special place in our heart, that we seem to forget as we all move on to the next phase in our lives.  It gives us nostalgia and it gives us confidence and pride as we look back and see how far we have gone.

However, I see a lot of unfortunate events coming from these reunions, mostly affecting families. When old friends and lovers meet again after a period of separation something happens.  The re-connection leads to something deeper than what it originally intended. Something clicks and it fires up people to want to see each other more often.  That would lead them to hunger for each others presence, forgetting sometimes that they are committed and have families.

It breaks my heart to see families torn apart because one decides it is better to start over with the special friend they met back at reunion than to continue family life.  Some do stay and continue with family life, yet, emotionally much more connected to the old friend they met at a reunion.

I love reunions, I do.  But I hate what it can possibly do.

How about you?

Benjamins, a bit more…

Wonder why most of us love the B?

B gives us power

B gives us assurance

B gives us minions

B makes us shine

I see people live their lives around B. Making more Bs is their main business. It doesn’t matter how they do it and who they hurt, just so they see their Bs filing up, filling their bank accounts and most importantly their ego. 

They say, “Hey! look at me! I can do this, I can do that and I don’t have to worry how I pay.” They say, “Follow me or risk being an outcast in my circle of friends. Can’t you see? I am shining like gold, you need me so you can be seen too”. They say, “I don’t have to worry about tomorrow, I have abundance of B. My B will take care of everything for me.”

I am not one of those who live for money. I was content with making enough to get me and my family through each and everyday. I know, I could have been more. I graduated at the top of my class and I could have easily climbed up the ladder and replaced my jars of lincolns, roosevelts, jeffersons and washingtons with a box full of benjamins, but I didn’t. I was comfortably happy with just enough.

Until this time that I needed a bit more but don’t have any. 

You see? I always believed that wanting more is a sin. The seven capital sins clearly depicts that. More is sinful. 

But when time comes that I need that extra “bit more”, I look back and think, maybe I could’ve just risked being sinful than face this somewhat welfare state for a “bit more”.

2

TWO

For the alphabet, this is the letter B

For tango, this is what it takes

For me, this is the number of years that I have been in a state of confusion

Confused how my better half could choose to be away from us

Confused at how I would manage the household by myself

Confused at how I would cope and find balance to the many different emotions I feel at once

Two years

I’ve been in a dazed state of getting up in the morning and going to bed at night,

merely surviving the hustle bustle of our daily lives

Tomorrow  marks the 2nd year of unexpectedly walking into this kind of life

A life full of struggles I never imagined

Struggles that have evolved me into a different person

For two years now,  I have not been my usual normal bubbly self

Yes, people look at a bubbly me

But my pain, confusion and loneliness they fail to see

I could choose to stay the same

But I decided to start my 3rd ahead better than my previous 2

 

 

Broken Family

Merriam Webster definition….

BROKEN: separated into parts or pieces by being hit, damaged, etc.

FAMILY:  a group of persons who come from the same ancestor

Traditionally, broken family, has referred to families who have been separated by infidelity of either spouse. One spouse leave the rest for another man or woman.

Today, many families have been separated, not because of infidelity but because one or two got hit with a decision that it’s better to be apart than together.

The family is socially intact,  but is emotionally broken.

 

 

This Game Called Pokemon Go

 

pokemongo

I am one of those moms who want to know what kind of game their kids are playing.  I have played a lot of games for various ages as my children are growing up.  Unlike other games where I just wanted to look and see how it is played, the kind of visuals they have and the extent of interaction and engagements a particular game involves the player into, this particular game, PokemonGo got me hooked.

July 12, 2016, I downloaded the highly popular PokemonGo game for the same reason stated above.  I was initially “in the game”  to just look and see, however, a month after, I am still on it.  The thrill of catching those creatures that just pops up everywhere is still not waning on me.

While I hear stories about accidents, delays, inconveniences the game bring to various people, I also hear hilarious stories of people on Pokemon hunt.  As for me, I say, PokemonGo, played responsibly, is a very good thing.  This game has made me get up and move more.

I have always felt I needed to get fit but I just could not find the time.  I have tried to be active for a long time, however, the exhaustion of being just here and there, 24/7, has held me back.  I chose then to lay down and watch TV or browse social media sites.  Not until these little creatures coaxed me to find them that I started walking regularly. At times, my two teenage kids, walk and hang out with me, making this Pokemon hunting a bonding moment for us.  Conversations just flow spontaneously on these moments and I could open some subjects without them having to feel that I am being nosy.  Teenagers as they are, they always feel parents are being nosy when we are  just merely trying to make a conversation.  With our PokemonGo moments, I do not feel any resistance to my small chit chats at all.

From walking, I managed to squeeze in my body toning program several years back when I was still going to the gym. Today, I could not believe that I have adopted some sort of physical routine while being in an open and harmonious relationship with my children.

There could be other factors involved but it all started with this game called PokemonGo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silent Tears

I always say to myself, I will be if I have to; I can if I need to.

I was so comfortably settled that I did not realize that the “if” on my statement above turned into a “when”.  And when is now.

Being in a situation where I have to be everything every time is not a very comfortable place to be.  Every waking hour is packed with  a lot of things to do.  The list is endless. From grocery shopping to daily meal preparation.  From doing the laundry to cleaning the house.  From working 8 hours to paying the bills, and a lot, lot more…

No one really know and understand how I feel.  Some undermine my feelings of stress.  Others laughed at my preference to just stay home and rest instead.  They do not understand that I need all the energy for more tasks ahead.

I cannot enumerate everything that I am facing now.  As much as possible, I want to know and map out everyone’s schedule just so I can pace myself, however, there are things that come up out of the blue.  Then I stop and think, no one would really make us a priority except us.  My heart bleeds thinking, there used to be someone who solved our car problems, our carpentry challenges and handyman works around the house. Our comfort is always at the top of his list.

With that memory, I take a deep breath and pause and shed some tears for a minute.  Then I take another deep breath and pause and get back to business while still shedding silent tears.

~~~